Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Definitions extended: Rent-a-....

With regards to the latest protests over the speech* to scholars by Pope Benedict XVI where he made an indirect quote from history, I have decided to create a new** definition that I think should be included in the various dictionaries of the world.

Rent-a-Jihad [pron: rend - ar - ji-hahd, also pron: buhnch - ov - prim-i-tiv - fuhk-wits]

1.
Similar in nature to Rent-a-crowd [pron: buhnch - ov - uhn-wosht - moonbats] but consists entirely of Muslims feigning insult at the most miniscule and remote reference to Islam in a factual sense.

2.
A Rent-a-Jihad can form in nano-seconds with matches ready at hand and an assortment of flags of countries from around the world that have been sprayed with petrol and ready to burn.

3.
While a Rent-a-Jihad can form very quickly, it can take many days for one to dissipate and not before immature screams of "persecution!", "religious intolerance", "kill all non-believers!" and "man, that is one sexy camel! I wish that my uncle Achmed the Tent Merchant was here" are heard at great volume and at regular intervals.

4.
A typical Rent-a-Jihad-ist will be male and will barely have the intellectual capacity to work out that he can get water to his mouth if he cups his hands. After that, it appears that to be a genetic flaw that a member is utterly incapable of inventing anything that benefits mankind in any way. Most appear to be even more unemployable than the average wharfie from any port in Australia (in a *real* job, that is - you know - where people actually work).

5.
Older Rent-a-Jihad-ists are indentified by their wearing of dresses so that they can look just like their mama ("the wretched whore!") while the younger ones have a uniform consisting of parachute material tracksuits that were shite when they first appeared in the 80's before dying a well-earned fashion death.

source: Jai's Dictionary of Phrases That Need to be Adopted by the Media

[Note: Astute readers will note that the photos attached to this post were indeed taken during the protests that occurred after some Danish cartoonists drew some caricatures and stick figures of the world's best known historical paedophile (peace be upon him (or is that "piss be upon him"? )). The pictures can be used because they never change - it's the same scene every time.]

* Check out the following links on The Thin Man Returns for better coverage than I can provide)

-- Within Reason
-- Pope Apologises; Religion Of Peace Goes About Business As Usual
-- Quod Erat Demonstrandum, Baby
-- So Sad, Too Bad

** It may be new or it may not but I'll claim it as mine nonetheless :)

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Dickheads in the Media, part #678

I kinda got a bit irate when hearing a bit of the radio program on Triple-M called the Spoonman on the way home last night. The rest below is what I threw on the Triple-M forum(They call it the 'Message Board').

I find it interesting that, Spoon asked a cyclist to call in to explain why cyclists ride on the road when there is a path beside the highway - presumably to find out some information - only to start using snide comments and attacking the woman who called in and cyclists in general.

Yet, when asked about a woman living in Australia who wears a burqa, she is recognised as having freedom to choose what she does.

So - which is it? A social group is judged entirely on what numbers of them do or are they individuals making decisions for themselves??

I will not deny that there are a LOT of cyclists - *oops*, I mean "bike-riders" out there who are nothing more than "temporary Australians" - idiots let loose in public to do whatever they want before someone in a car turns them into road pizza. I am a cyclist and I consider myself to be in the 5-10% of all "bike-riders" who show courtesy to other road users AND I obey the road rules in full. Being a Commissioner for Declarations, it does not look favourably upon my ability to be an upstanding member of the community to break the law but it seems that Spoonman has decreed that I'm just another bitumen-stain waiting to happen.

One thing about this country is that people are told when they are speaking out of turn about a subject which they know nothing about. I would not presume to tell Spoon who to run a radio broadcast but I would expect him to have some modicum of objectivity (none of it displayed in the segment last night) when discussing a subject that he CLEARLY has no understanding of and knows nothing more about it than the fact that a bicycle has 2 wheels!

He asked the question: "Why ride on the road when there are paths?" and chose to talk down to the woman who was trying to answer the question - not to mention belittle the knowledge that she has, which he does not and obviously thinks that he is smarter without.

Myself, I am a cyclist - I have had a car licence for a long time. I have only owned V8's and I have a classic American Musclecar as well as a hotrod. I also ride motorbikes and drive trucks. Add to that some extensive experience as being a qualified motorsport official on both dragstrips and circuit racing AND having been a racer and driving instructor on several occasions.

I can tell Spoonman quite unequivocally that HE DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO COMMENT ON NOR BERATE CYCLISTS ON THE ROAD WHILE HE KNOWS **JACK** ABOUT WHY THEY DO WHAT THEY DO!!!

Again - a vast majority of those on bikes just shouldn't be there but don't be too smug about this knowledge as, in my experience as a professional driver AND as a cyclist, there is a similar differentiation between "drivers" and "car-operators".

Your typical car-operator comprises about 95% of the motoring population - they are someone who can press pedal-A and shift lever-B and turn round-thing-C to make a motor vehicle move in the desired direction. This DOES NOT make someone a DRIVER! Just like on the news when they say "An 18 year old 'man' was taken into custody for beating, robbing and raping an 83 year old woman." - this creature is a "male" and NOT a "man"!

A "driver" is someone who obeys the road rules; they drive to the conditions; they show courtesy to all other road users; they know what the shiny things on the doors are for; they know what the pretty, flciky lights are for and HOW TO USE THEM; they know how to handle a motor vehicle; they don't drive while under the influence of any legal or non-legal drug EVER; they don't smoke or use a phone EVER while "driving"; and they recognise the fact that they own the car and not the friggin' road and that it must be shared with others (even if they are totally brain dead and all seem to want to be in Toyota Landcruisers that never leave the blocktop!)

I don't give a rat's arse if this is semantics or not - the apathy in this country is becoming so mind-numbingly overwhelming that everyone is becoming a bludger who won't take responsibility for their actions - and a motorist blaming a person on a bike for holding them up (the choice of the rider is that of an INDIVIDUAL and not representative of the group!) is assigning responsibility for poor design of the road system to someone on a bike. How F***ING stupid is that???
What level of responsibility belongs to the person behind the wheel when they choose to sit as a single-occupant in a car, out of some selfish excuse of "right" when it has always been a "privilege", when there are better options available?

So, Mr Spoon... Your treatment of that young lady last night, in asking a question and then turning it into an attack when all she was doing was trying to help you, makes you a MALE and FAR from being a MAN! Be big enough to cease the attacks on cyclists until you get a f***ing idea what the hell you're talking about and you'll be the better MAN for it.

As for you 95% of "car-operators" out there: registration does NOT pay for the roads and the issue of licencing cyclists and registering bicycles is just as big an issue in the cycling world as it is for other road users. Motorists would also do well to remember that a road is a part of the carriageway which runs from property-boundry to property-boundary and that pedestrians have right-of-way over cars at significantly more locations than just on pedestrian crossings.

But then, being a car-operator who presumes to know the law fully - you already knew that....

One final point - why cyclists don't ride on paths at every opportunity. BECAUSE THEY CAN'T! Bicycle paths are made for recreational riders who can't hold a line and the paths meander all over the bloody place! They are useless for getting from Point-A to Point-B and are only constructed to make it appear as though a politician is doing something for the community other than lining their own pockets!

Have you ever been stuck behind a set of Charlies-'Angels' in a shopping centre and couldn't get past? This is what I call anyone from girls to women who walk 3-or-more abreast (often with an arse that can be measured with a lengthwise pick-handle!) and you cannot get around them. Do YOU get irritated at this when you're busy and got sh*t to do? Try doing that on a path and cannot run the risk of riding off onto the side because your wheels can sometimes be caught in a rut and throw you off.

Do you think it would be fair to drive your car in the dirt down the side of the highway because morons are issued licences without being taught or tested fully yet you cannot get around them? Would you willingly use a road if you got a flat tyre every second time you went down that way because someone else thinks that you should? What about horses pulling carts on the road? They hold you up - should they be removed as well? What about trams? They are a far more efficient form of transport than any car and they cause traffic chaos at times that FAR exceeds cyclists - should they be removed?

The simple solution is for people in cars, who DON'T know what the f**k they're talking about, to GROW UP and lay the blame for the problems with the roads at the feet of those responsible for them - not OTHER road users who are doing you a favour by removing yet another car from the traffic jam!

If you fail to understand the point I'm trying to make here, I have a half-housebrick at home that you can use to knock some sense into yourself. Failing that, have a read of a blogpost from a woman in Toronto in Canada - it's worth reading.

Things a non-cyclist might not understand Part I: An open letter to motorists who dislike cyclists.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Germaine Greer vs Steve Irwin

I saw this on CNN last week.

Germaine Greer is slagging off at Steve Irwin.

WHO THE HELL DOES THIS BRAINLESS SLAG THINK SHE IS?

She moved to England and say that she won't return to Australia unless welcomed by the traditional owners, yet says that many turn up to the airport to greet her when she arrives?
Which tribe are they from? The tribe that "owned" the whole country?

Greer, best known for her feminist book "The Female Eunuch", said Wednesday Irwin was an "embarrassment" and a "self-deluded animal torturer."

There is only one embarassment in this argument -- and it ISN'T Steve Irwin.

Greer said Irwin had not treated animals with the respect they deserved.

Just because he didn't stick his finger up the date of a horrid, comtempible whore like Greer actually works in his favour from where I stand.

Greer can stay in England - or better yet, go to Afghanistan and put a potato sack on her head and she can take the cock-biters in the media who put credence in what she says and publishes her comments in the "news".

Steve Irwin was 100 times the man that Greer could ever hope or want to be >:)

NT Speed Limited

Fan-fucking-tastic news.... NOT!!

The Northern Territory - the last bastion of true Aussies left in the country (or rather, the 52nd state of the USA (Canada is 51)). A place where common-bloody-sense is still a requirement to live and everything is not over-legislated to comply with keeping the lowest common denominator of society (ie: STUPID PEOPLE) alive.

They're now talking about introducing a speed limit on the open roads because people keep killing themselves.

Gee - do you think that this is going to stop those that are unlicenced? What about those who drink themselves into a stupour and then get in the car to drive to the pub for more beer?

NO!!!

Yet again, the hopeless wannabe's in government are putting limitations on everyone else in the territory because the irresponsible and downright stupid people amongst us weren't strangled at birth.

There will be MORE deaths on the roads in NT if speed limits are introduced because 100 & 110kph is a DEADLY speed - it is sleep-inducing. At least, if in the middle of nowhere with no other traffic and an endless horizon, a reasonable speed helps to keep the driver awake.

Pity the lawmakers can't stay awake. I guess the state coffers are running low and they need more money for the overseas holidays that Queensland's Peter Beattie is constantly taking at taxpayers expense.

Wild Bean is CRAP, eh!

(Sorry for the bit of Canadian language in the title but it fits :)

Well... here in Oz, BP (British Petroleum) has taken a wonderful step forward in presentation in marketing by introducing what they call the Wild Bean Cafe back in 2004.

It was now possible to turn up to a servo in the middle of the night after a 4- or 5-hour drive and get a half-decent coffee instead of the mud that McDonalds makes (even though it does keep you awake).

But then, THANKS to the usual halfwits of the world who sue corporations for any reason and the cretins in marketing who think that they need to be "proactive"* in preventing said halfwits from having a go: the only kind of coffee you can get at a Wild Bean Cafe is a COLD one!

I have to have my coffee HOT. Not quite thermo-nuclear hot but definitely more than the 65-degrees-C that the staff have been instructed to not go over. To me, that is COLD and I can inhale a 12-oz cup in the same time it take to drink a similar sized glass of water.

I supply them with a non-leaking travel mug and informed them that I am indeed old enough to take responsibility for my actions and that if I spill it on my dick then that is my tough shit. I have even gone to the lengths of asking them to show me to the microwave overn so that I could heat the pathetic attempt up to a satisfactory level. Of course, I don't abuse staff or belittle them because they are acting under instructions from idiot managers.

If you like HOT coffee: AVOID BP & WILD BEAN CAFE!!!

* "Proactive" - wank-word used by management = do it my way.

Heroin disguised as Coffee

It is cases like THIS where I think on the same wavelength as the Indonesians.

Whereas they will kill drug traffickers while allowing mass-murderers to go free with a slap on the wrist (I've mentioned elsewhere that the race is totally corrupt and will happily bend the rule for like-minded people or a fistful of cash. Don't take my word for it though - this came from a mate of mine who is half-Indo and KNOWS what they're like).


A MAN will appear in court today charged with trying to smuggle up to 3kg of heroin disguised as coffee through Melbourne Airport at the weekend.

The 46-year-old Australian man arrived in Melbourne on Saturday from the Cambodian capital, Phnom Penh, via Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, an Australian Federal Police (AFP) spokesman said today.

A "man"??? I see the media are still as incompetent as ever when it come to correct use of terminology.

An "...Australian Federal Police (AFP) spokesman..."?? So the AFP was aware of the shipment but still did not follow the EXCELLENT example set by Mick Keelty in informing the Customs controls of Malaysia? I understand that they have the death penalty there as well - which is EXACTLY what this contemptible sack-of-shit deserves for his troubles. It also saves MY taxes being used to both defend and prosecute him and then keep him in a house with a bed and 3 squares a day. What about the homeless people who don't willingly import substances that can kill hundreds of people?

If convicted, the man faces life imprisonment and/or a fine up to $825,000.

I still prefer the other option.... Hang him by the neck until he's DEAD.
I'll even provide the tree AND the rope!

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Nic is self-centred??

I remember asking Nick & Nora a few years ago about what the deal was with Nicole Kidman.

Was she really the nice sort of bird that you see on TV or was she a young harridan in disguise?

T'is funny what you see and may possible describe as "deja vu". :)

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Arm the Seals!

I find this to be a very distressing story.

Why did a couple of dickheads choose to kill 40 fur seals on Kanowna Island?

Was it the fishing industry whinging about them eating fish or was it a couple of drunken fuckwits looking for something to shoot?

Would they be so quick to shoot them if the seals could shoot back? Would they have thought that it was fair if there was someone on the shore thinking that there were too many fishermen in the waters and took a few shots back?

Personally, I have no problem with performing the latter. I'm getting pretty close to having had more than enough of fuckwits in this society that think that they can do things like this because they want to make more money so that they'll have more beer to drink.

How about this?
Wait for the next batch of fake Muslims* to have a riot in Sydney or Melbourne and then sit in your boat of shore and pick a few of them off? They're a drain on the public purse and are a threat to your way of life AND there'll be a few people willing to pay for the ammo for you to do it as well!

Failing that - go back up to the Torres Straight and pick off a few of the illegal fishing boats that rape the environment up there.

Get your priorities right.

*"fake Muslims" - the kind that claim to be a part of a nation that isn't Islamic but want to change it so that it will become that way so that they can fulfil their dreams of self-importance.

Integrate or FUCK OFF!

Honestly? What is so hard to understand about the concept of learning the language and treating your women (and ours) like real people instead of possessions?

Australia is NOT a Muslim nation (and hopefully it never will be) yet people of the Islamic faith are allowed to live here (and collect Social Security which they SHOULDN'T get - there's enough bludgers here now!) and are accepted. Yet, the values of THIS COUNTRY aren't good enough for some followers of the Cult of the Paedophile and think that they can live in their own little enclaves and take over suburbs in major cities and treat Aussies like 2nd class citizens?

Excuse me? If you came here as a refugee - is that not the treatment that you claim you are fleeing yet you think it's OK to go to another country and do it to other people?

Then they pipe up again and demand that THEIR law is the only one that counts. If you want Sharia Law; if you want to treat your women like 2/3 or half the worth of a male (as I've seldom seen behaviour becoming a man in a Muslim male); if you want to riot in the streets about the AUSTRALIAN Prime Minister upholding AUSTRALIAN values; then FUCK OFF back to the country from whence you came!

If you try to tell me that you're an Aussie while holding "values" listed above: you're not one of us - you're just a coward and a liar!
If you think that it's more important to be something other than an Aussie and that the country should change to suit you, then again: FUCK OFF!! There's countries out there that are Muslim and will happily accept those ideals. MY country isn't one of them.

For the record, if you're one of these bleeding-heart liberal-minded cock-biters that say that I'm wrong - YOU can PISS OFF with them! Let's see just how well you'll get on in a Muslim country behaving the way you do here?

So... the choice is simple.... Learn English and treat women as equals or LEAVE!
If you want to indulge in Threats of Violence against civilised people just to get your own way - be warned that the government hasn't been able to disarm ALL of the nation just yet.

Fingerprints kept Illegally

Well, DUH!!!

This report suggests that it was just the Victorian Police that were doing this.

THE fingerprints of up to half a million innocent Victorians have been retained illegally by Victoria Police.
Senior police have warned the scandal could expose the force to a fine totalling millions of dollars.
Leaked documents, seen by the Sunday Herald Sun, reveal it could take police two decades to clear a backlog of hundreds of thousands of fingerprint sets.


Seriously: Is there anyone out there STUPID enough to believe that if the police destroy that little card with your finger-painting on it? They ALWAYS say that the prints will be destroyed which I believed when I was younger but I know now that the original collection card of the prints will be destroyed but the question avoids an answer when you ask about COPIES of your prints.

Having been someone that's been printed a couple of times, the subterfuge used to obtain your prints has been something foremost in my mind when dealing with the Police.

Don't get me wrong - I am far from being anti-cop as I would most definitely be in prison or dead now had I not been thrown around that back room by the ears all those years ago. I am actually grateful for that.
What troubles me when dealing with the police is that great numbers of them (not all) treat everyone they meet like potential criminals and/or suspects and use the line of "If you've done nothing wrong, then you have nothing to worry about!"

Well, I'll tell you: I will not be fingerprinted again nor will I ever participate in a DNA test unless there is actual need for it (ie: a charge being laid). I like my privacy to be mine and my word is my bond. Accept that or piss off!

Opposition police spokesman Kim Wells said: "The Victoria Police is an organisation you would expect to abide by the law, so I'm gobsmacked by this."

Fucking dreamer....