Don't Try This At Home

If you are ready for the adventure of a lifetime, TRY THIS:

Enter Pakistan, Afghanistan or Iraq illegally. Never mind immigration quotas, visas, international law, or any of
that nonsense.

Once there, demand that the local government provide free medical care for you and your entire family. Demand bilingual nurses and doctors. Demand free bilingual local government forms, bulletins, etc. Procreate abundantly.

Deflect any criticism of this allegedly irresponsible reproductive behaviour with, "It is a cultural thing; you wouldn't understand mate."
Keep your Australian identity strong.

Fly the your national flag from your rooftop, or proudly display it in your front window or on your car bumper.

Speak only English at home and in public and insist that your children do likewise. Demand classes on English and Australian culture in the Muslim school system.

Demand a local country driver license. This will afford other legal rights and will go far to legitimise your unauthorised, illegal, presence in Pakistan, Afghanistan or Iraq. Drive around with no liability insurance and ignore local traffic laws. Insist that local country, law enforcement teach English to all its officers.

Good luck! You'll soon be dead.

Because it will never happen in Pakistan, Afghanistan or Iraq or any other country in the world except right here in Australia. For we are run by soft, politically correct politicians, that are too scared to "offend" anyone.

If you agree, pass it on.
If you don't, go ahead and try the above in Pakistan, Afghanistan or Iraq. Better yet: piss off there and see how far your namby-pamby left-wing bullshit gets you.

Noah to build an Ark in Australia

In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Melbourne, Australia, as an illegal immigrant and said,

"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying,

"You have six months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".

Noah was dubious about the project, because unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights is normal in Melbourne, but he knew he must bow to the will of the Lord.

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his revered quarter acre section....but no ark.

"Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "but things have changed. I needed a
building consent from the council,. I've been arguing with the FESA about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I've violated the zoning laws by building the Ark on my property and exceeding the height limitations. We then had to go to Arbitration for a decision.

Then the electricity companies demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. The Greens have placed a ban on cutting local timber in order to save the Koala . I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the birds. But no go!

When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Aborigines have forbidden the project to continue unless witchetty grubs are permitted on the Ark and indigenous tribes own half the Ark after I have designed and built it. I also have to agree to pay $150 Billion for depriving Aboriginals of traditional lands by means of inundation, which they allege, is simply a case of "holy colonization".

I am bogged down in further negotiations on multimillion payments for rights to sail the Ark on the seas of The Pacific. Other Aboriginals tribes have sued me because they allege the Ark is a European version of the Aboriginal ancient canoe and they have appealed to the Aboriginal Cultural Tribunal to declare it sacred.

Then the Environmental Court ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many Aborigines I'm supposed to hire for my building crew and the requirement for separate female toilets in case I hire a woman. Also, the trade unions say I can't use my sons.

They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience, and they expect a day in lieu if we work weekends or public holidays plus holiday day pay and rain allowances.

OSH has decreed each employee must be equipped with a life jacket and personal life raft even though we are building on the mountain. When I pointed this out, they made me provide ice axes and climbing boots for each employee and their families, and harnesses because I was working over 3 metres in height.

To make matters worse, the Tax Department seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

At first the Liberal government was in favour of my project because it created building jobs on our mountain. Then they were shocked by an opinion poll which revealed that 99% of all Australians opposed a devastating flood, and after an emergency cabinet meeting, John Howard announced that the coalition had never favoured floods as a means of solving problems and was totally opposed to the project (unless future opinion polls revealed popular support for the Ark).

She said "God should sit down and talk sensibly about the issues."

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked,

"You mean, You're not going to destroy the world?".
"No," said the Lord. "The Australian Government beat me to it."

Compulsory Reading?

They should make this mandatory reading for all University students. There will be some who will nod knowingly and the rest probably need the message pounded between their eyes a few times....

A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one,"the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing ....and," pausing to take another drink of beer......

The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said,
"You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young........so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little shithead: what are you doing for the next generation?"

... and that's just the feds!

So, it is costing the Australian taxpayer $16million to send our politicians on overseas trips. Does this figure include just the federal parliament or all of the bludgers in the state governments as well? What about local councillors who think that city and shire budgets are there for them to use as personal pocket money?

I don't have a problem with John Howard as such as he *is* the Prime Minister and is the elected leader of the country. What I do have a problem with is a half-witted MORON like Queensland Premier, Peter Beattie going on overseas trips as part of some delegation for which he is so UNqualified to attend as well as being a total nothing on the world stage.

I think that if Petie Beatter is going to spend much-needed state funds on a trip overseas - the least the fuckwit can do is stay there and not come back!

Do It! Do It!!

Milat threatens suicide.

I don't particularly have a dislike for Ivan Milat as I don't know the bloke but what I do have a problem with him being in prison is that he is costing ... how much is it again? $150,000 a year? That much taxpayer money being wasted to keep him locked up, given 3 squares a day and a bed when it is blatantly obvious that he can never be released.

My question now is: where do I send the box of aspirin and the razor blades?

Bucky the Beaver: "Those choppers are HUGE!!"

Renowned cleric for the worship of Muhammed The Paedophile (peace be upon him) says that Australian PM, John Howard, should convert to Islam.

Sorry, dude - I understand that John Howard already has a religion and it seemingly has nothing to do with mutilating or degrading women and having sex with livestock. Nor does it worship a child rapist cum warmonger and preacher of hate.

"Islam is the absolute truth.

"I say to all infidels, it is useless to fight Islam for you will be destroyed and Islam will win absolutely."

Onlookers roared approval as Bashir urged them to "fight fanatically" for their religion.

Seemingly, he wasn't treated for senility while he played arse-bandit in prison.

Bashir, whose convoy was escorted from the capital by police motorcycle outriders, stopped twice along the 500km journey to pray, including once in a service station prayer room, where he again slammed Australia's government as "kaffirs", or unbelievers.

Isn't it funny how if I were to refer to someone as a "Kaffir", I would most likely be carted off to a holding cell and charged with some form of hate speech - not to mention the trial by media that would be executed by the MORONS who believe that Islam is the religion of peace.

Kaf·fir also Kaf·ir

1. Offensive.

1. A Xhosa.
2. often kaffir Used especially in southern Africa as a disparaging term for a Black person.

2. Kafir A Nuristani.
3. also kaffir Islam. An infidel.

So, advice is now being dispensed by a cretin to world leaders on how the world should be run. But wait! How can the advice be sound when the same person utters quotes along the lines of:

Bashir urges Muslims to fight infidels

when it is a known fact that, according to the rule of The Paedophile (peace be upon him), anyone who is not a Muslim is an infidel? Does that also mean that anyone who isn't fashioning themselves after The Prophet is therefore not a paedophile and doesn't think it's OK to rape children and livestock?

Since neither a goat, a camel nor a child (of either sex) is remotely attractive to me in any way shape or form, I guess I will have to settle for being a Kaffir.

Before anyone questions why I equate Islam with being The Cult of The Paedophile, think about this:

- You do not worship Satan if you live for peace and honour and honesty and lightness in your life.
- You do not join Scientology if you never want to leave Earth in a spaceship.
- You do not follow Buddhism if violence is your 'thing'.
- You do not worship Jesus if you hate Jews.

Yet, if the person whose teachings you follow is someone who was well into adulthood and 'started' on a girl when she was 6 and had your first child by her when she was 9. You're either a member of NAMBLA or you condone child rape. There is NO reasonable excuse to accept this nor can the facts be refuted.

Diet Coke & Mentos

Seemingly a slow news day on www.news.com.au. One may also suggest a slow blog day for me as well :)

There is a report on the site about how Mentos dropped into a bottle of Diet Coke will produce a geyser effect.

I suppose you have to do *something* with Diet Coke - the shit isn't fit for drinking!

Check out this for what people with too much time on their hands can do with info like this.... :)

Survey Says....

Here we go again....

The Royal Automobile Club of Queensland (RACQ)(emphasis on 'Automobile') are holding another What Cheeses You Off? survey to gauge driver attitudes on the roads - in Queensland, presumably.

The problem is that, for some reason, the RACQ seems to think that it is qualified to comment on driver attitudes to cyclists and that it somehow caters to cyclists.

Screaming big, billboard-sized, mental note to RACQ - YOU DON'T!!!
You don't cater to cyclists and your poor-excuse-for-toilet-paper members magazine, The Road Ahead, displays this on almost a monthly basis with some form of half-witted comment from the magazine editor.

What this jerkoff fails to realise is that the RACQ is NOT about roads and who should use them but about AUTOMOBILES and their owners. The RACQ isn't even very good at their core audience anyway as people like me who own a rarely-driven classic that ISN'T 30 years old are forced to pay full registration in Queensland and that the eastern states are NOT alligned in their registration laws. It costs me $55 just in registration fees to back this car onto the road before anything else because it does not get driven every day or every weekend.

Here's a simple method to use....
A person sitting behind the steering wheel in a car is NOT a 'driver'.
A person sitting on the seat of a bicycle is NOT a 'cyclist'.

A driver knows their vehicle; knows the law; doesn't cruise the roads in a fashion that impedes the progress of other road users; they 'drive' to the conditions of the road and weather; they USE THEIR MIRRORS; they move over for emergency vehicles; and generally show courtesy on the road.
Everyone else, which means 98% of the driving public in Queensland, is a 'Car Operator'! They know how to push this pedal to push this thingy over to there and pull another thingy to make a flicky noise and to turn a round whatsit in order to get their 2-tonne weapon the 1.5km to the shops to get a newspaper - or to cruise to work following the identical route of a railway line or bus line (mainly in Brisbane).

A 'cyclist' knows their bicycle; they know how to ride; they look ahead to ride defensively; they keep to the left and know the road rules; they are aware that they tun a great chance of arriving DEAD if they do even a remotely stupid thing; and they too know courtesy on the roads. They are also required to take some liberties with road rules (in safety) because situations demand it. Not everyone in colourful lycra is a cyclist - a $4000 bicycle does not a cyclist make!
Everyone else on a bike is a 'bike-rider'. They're the ones who ride without due care and attention to their surroundings and show neither courtesy nor common sense when on the roads. THIS is the bracket that the dickhead editor of The Road Ahead seems inclined to lump EVERY person on a bicycle into. I wouldn't mind betting that he is one of the car-operators that thinks it's OK to verbally and physically attacks cyclists on the road as well.

I am NOT a rabid pro-green moron either. I have a hotrod and an imported American V8 in the shed as well as holding a truck licence, a motorbike licence, and I know the road rules better than most. I object to some FOOL editor thinking that it is OK to attack me as a cyclist when he doesn't know SHIT about the state of the roads and does NOTHING to promote the reality that ALL taxpayers are entitled to use the roads and that registration fees DO NOT pay for the bitumen that we all use!
My taxes pay for those roads just like those of everyone else.

So - pull your fucking head in, you wannabe-journalist cock-biter and get out on the road on a bicycle and try to actually commute anywhere in Brisbane, on the Gold Coast or on the Sunshine Coast WITHOUT getting DEAD thanks to fuckwits like you who have no idea what it's like out there and think that roads are just for cars!

While we're on the subject of wannabe-journalist cock-biters, someone drag that shithead Mike O'Connor from The Crappier Mail out of the Wickham and put him on a bicycle on Coronation drive during peak hour while all the lazy arsewipes in their one-occupant vehicles are trying to get home while stuck in that 5km carpark!

Almost but not quite....

The news from Victoria is that Judge re-education is 'unnecessary'.

Is it? Is it, really?

I disagree.
I don't just disagree kinda - I disagree vehemently!

Judges, for the most part, are so detached from everyday society that they may as well live in the same prisons that they don't send the crims to.

"We will be sitting again this week. It's very simple - get rid of suspended sentencing."

What is this rubbish about suspended sentencing anyway? Who came up with this crock of shit? Was it created by some fool magistrate who wants to pretend that he's some kind of touchy-feely social worker and that every tortured soul can be saved?

"You've been a bad bugger lately and I've seen you in my court several times before even though I'm not allowed to make reference to that fact or consider it in making a judgement. Since you say that you have remorse and that you feel bad about the other 15 times you committed the same crime, I will let you out onto the streets and take you on your word that you won't do it again.
"What's that?
"Ahhh - who cares about what law-abiding society thinks - they're not going to break the law as retribution for my stupidity now, will they?
"Go now - be free and do as you will. I'm a judge and I answer to nobody!"

Can I be a judge too? I'm sure that I can teach myself to not know how much a loaf of bread costs anymore or that it's OK to drive the car after half-a-carafe of sherry or cognac (gift from an equally inept politician for letting his son off the hook).

I know for a fact that I will be able to handle the $215,000 a year that a normal scungy magistrate makes (in WA, anyway) not counting the car and kickbacks.

Mr Hulls said continued professional development would help judicial officers respond to community expectations.

"The Bracks government is committed to modernising the legal system," he said in the Herald Sun.

So, which is it? Helping judicial officers respond to community expectations or having the Brack's government 'modernise' the legal system?
These are mutually exclusive events going on what I hear is going on in 'Brackistan'.

Student funds 'misused' at university

It seems that student funds were misused at Melbourne's Monash University.

HUNDREDS of thousands of dollars in student funds were used to pay for overseas junkets and postgraduate education of staff employed to provide services at Australia's biggest university.

Victoria's Monash University has moved to take over the running of student services amid allegations that its company Monyx, set up to manage compulsory student fees, has mishandled the funds.

The company has been accused of paying for staff to undertake master degrees at the institution's Graduate School of Business worth almost half a million dollars, as well as overseas trips and tours of US campuses.

So who thinks that this is an isolated incident and that, by and large, the funds collected by the compulory unionism imposed by Student 'Associations' is used for good?
If you are, then you're either a complete moron - or a proponent of the Student Union system. I would suggest that you're both.

Under the VSU changes, passed by parliament last year, universities will no longer be able to collect the fees that go towards student services. The Howard Government argued the money was also used for student politics.

Damn straight that the money was used for student politics!

I was employed by a student union because of compulsory unionism. I never received Austudy and I refused to pay the fees due to a lack of services received for what I had paid. I paid my own way through and I worked at the same time.

Compulsory membership to an left-wing bunch of dickheads like that really stuck in my craw but I had to do it because I needed the money in order to complete my studies.
I was even threatened with job loss back in 1992 (I think it was around then) by the General Manager of this collective of Indian-Chief halfwits (I was the Indian) if I didn't vote Labor in the upcoming federal election at the time. Actually, this was put to the entire staff in a meeting and not just me. We were told that if the Libs got in then we'd all be out of jobs because compulsory unionism would be abolished.

Money was wasted at the DDIAE/UCSQ/USQ Student Union hand-over-fist and I understand that it still is. There were junketts interstate for board members and their girlfriends and many, many members did not get value for money from their union fees due to the wastage (well - until I started playing Robin Hood anyway.... >:)

It couldn't have happened soon enough that compulsory unionism was abolished. The next big thing that needs a scalpel through it in every university is the removal of DICKHEAD lecturers/professors who think that it's OK to bring personal political opinions into the lecture theatres to inflict on impressionable students.

I've thought of going back to study many times in the last few years but I just know that it's not worth the agro. Having to put up with the Moonbats and their special rights for minority groups would be too much to ignore.